One of the most important questions that I ask every client is the following. “Do you have a support group/system that assists you with this fitness goal?” And every time I get the same response, “yes”. Unfortunately, after a few follow-up questions I realize the true answer is actually “no”. In order improve the odds that you are successful with any goal, fitness or otherwise, you need to have a person, or group of people that are supporting you and your efforts. The people that you think are your support group might actually be making it harder for you to accomplish the desired outcome.
Let’s start with an anecdote from my own client history. I began training a young woman in her mid 20’s, and her main goal was to lose weight. She had been unsuccessful in any previous efforts to do so. I had asked her this same question, and she answered by saying she had a very supportive family and friends. The beginning of our relationship seemed to be going well, she was coming in for all her sessions and she was doing most of the assigned “homework” I would give her to do between our workouts. She did enjoy going out to party though, and after one hangover too many we began to get to the root of why she was not seeing the progress she expected. We dedicated an entire session (and more since she was my last client of the day) to discussing what the last couple weeks and months had looked like.
This young woman had been living for the weekends as she wasn’t fulfilled by the job she was in. The work she was doing made her dread her days, which for anyone else who has held a job just for the income knows, is exhausting. She’d go home at night and be so tired she wouldn’t want to cook, and since she lived at home, her mom would supply most of the meals. After the week would end, she would get excited to go out with her friends and go to the bar crawl scene as it was her time to let loose.
So let’s break this down a little further. Upon her initial response to my question of support, she indicated she had lots of people who cared about her and would support her. But upon further evaluation of actionable support, they were unavailable. I’m no life coach, but I’ve been through my fair share of life experiences to know that you don’t need to spend your life working a job just for the income. I was the only person who had talked with her about changing her day to day experience by either going into business for herself, or going back to school to get the education required to open up more opportunities. This is usually a conversation that is driven by those who are supporting you.
When she’d get home after a long day, and her mom would bring home pizza or takeout of some sort, it would only feed her habits to over consume. Pizza and other forms of takeout are very high calorie options for food, rather than something that takes a little more work, but is more filling and better for the goal we had in mind. She had previously told her mom that she was trying to lose weight and needed to change her habits, and her mom kept buying things like pizza which only made things harder for her. Her mom was trying to be supportive by providing dinner, but only made her goal harder to achieve by keeping those things around. When my client had told her mom that she wasn’t going to eat those things anymore except on occasion, her mom got upset with her for not being appreciative of the money she’s spending. However, this is just a visceral reaction and has no actual bearing on their relationship. Her mom wasn’t willing to change her own ways, and took offense to it not just because of the money, but because she had her own self image issues and my client’s choices highlighted that she wasn’t wanting to change (this was confirmed later after they had discussed the issues). This is another example of where her support system had failed her.
And lastly, let’s look at her weekend activities. I don’t know about you, but when I have a goal and I need support, I tell my friends about it. This young woman had told her friends she didn’t want to go out as much because of how important this goal was to her. Yet they would try to guilt her into going out and partying. After she had expressed some of this frustration to me, I asked her one simple question, “in the last 3 months we’ve been working together, how many times has any of those girls asked you about how your weight loss goal was going?”. Her answer was none. It took this tough conversation for her to realize that she either needed to have a discussion with them about why she hadn’t wanted to go out, and how much their invites to the bars had impacted her inability to achieve her results or to find new friends. It was not the easiest conversation to have for any of these topics, however it was important because it made her realize that she didn’t have the support system she thought she did.
I hope her story helps to put things into perspective for yourself, and also helps you to question the degree to which your own support system is helping you with your goals. Do you have someone checking in on you? Do you have friends or family who are supporting your dietary decisions? Or are they annoyed that you are trying to change? Are they giving you a hard time for not wanting to go out to eat?
It is so important that you learn to grow as an individual. Part of this process requires auditing who you spend your time with. Notice where some people may not be of service to your goal. Like in the case of my client, her mom wasn’t the supportive person she needed for her dietary goals.
Lastly, remember this. Support doesn’t always look like a pat on the back, an encouraging comment on a social media post, or even a text message checking in. Frequently it involves hard conversations, being a listening ear for venting of frustrations, and ultimately being an accountability tool for those that you love. Make sure you look for this when you are finding your support network in relation to each goal you have.
Author: Chris Whalen
